The self-love advocate cried while admitting, “The toughest [part] was and has been coming home from the hospital and still having the pain of this miscarriage, and there’s no baby.”

Nabela explained she wanted to film the video now, while she’s “hurting,” because she needs the “support” from her followers.

The YouTuber then read a passage from her journal, sharing, “I want to be optimistic and hopeful but I am just broken… I feel no hope, just emptiness,” while also expressing gratitude for the “spontaneous” and miraculous pregnancy she had. “I wonder who this baby would have become, what they could have done in this world, how they would have been my world,” she read. “They let me feel like a mom, even it was just for a week.”

On May 16, Nabela posted a fertility Q&A video all about “Miscarriages, Adoption and Pregnancy Pressure” before she even knew she was pregnant. She said she was trusting the process, but noted she and Seth had been trying to have a child ever since they got married in 2015.

At the time, she said her doctor warned her she would likely suffer multiple miscarriages if she was ever “lucky” enough to be pregnant. “That fear has been looming over me,” she confessed.

Nabela said that “no matter what,” she and Seth want to have children, and they’ve been trying to adopt from Bangladesh.